Wanted - Lost Mind

Tuesday June 25th, 2013

Wanted - Lost Mind

My mind has gotten away from me again

Run off

Somewhere between slowly refilling my water bottle last night to running this morning

My back aches from searching all over for it

Running to catch up with its racing

But it still somehow manages to get away

Everytime

Hike To The Farm

Tuesday June 25, 2013

After breakfast my mama called me over to visit her mother in law next door. I just saw there with the other children while they talked. It made me think of when I used to visit my own grandmother. Even the second time she was still concerned of if I was too cold even though it’s so warm outside.

Today my scholars and I walked a ways to a “farm” on the outskirts of town with Callie & Charlotte’s (two of my scholars) sister, Perith. It was a LONG walk and we took the roundabout scenic route getting stuck every which way on branches, bushes and sticks. Once we got there there weren’t any crops but there were some older women gathering these bamboo type shoots to weave into baskets and rugs.

Dinner With The Matubula's Free Write

Monday June 24^th, 2013

Shannon lifts the heavy bucket that is 3 times the size of him.

He would do anything for this guest, the visitor.

Mama Sisanda clearly yells at him in Shangon to get off the chair he’s hanging off of.

Sema winks at me from across the table as he eats his pup and chicken with his fingers.

Scholars First Full Day In The Village!

Monday June 24^th, 2013

Today was my scholars first day in the village. I woke up early to gather them all for morning exercise. Since all of them don’t know their way around the village yet I was going to pick them up. Two of the houses that I proceeded to go to had beds made up and no scholars. Most of the day was spent trying to figure out where their houses were and showing my scholars around the community. I walked A LOT! It was a long day.

After dinner tonight Mama Sisanda was showing me clapping and dancing children’s games before I went to sleep. I attempted to show her the American clapping game slide. We did ok. It was funny to hear and see the traditional games that seem so similar to games that I played when I was a child in America.

As I lay in my bed and type I finally see the mouse Sisanda has talked about that plagues the Matubula household. On my first day in her home she told me in broken English, “I have one big problem.” It seemed serious so I listened closely. “A mouse!” Then she proceeded to demonstrate visually and through sound effects how it would scurry from one hole to another. I couldn’t help but think of the movie “Mouse Hunt.” Is it weird that a mouse crawling across my face while I am sleeping is much more comforting than a bug of some kind? Come cuddle little Gus Gus. I have a spot in the bed just for you.

I was given a small pee bucket tonight to put in my bedroom so I don’t have to go outside in the middle of the night to use the restroom. It is quite small but hey, at least its orange – my favorite color!

Welcome To Gottenburg!

Sunday June 22^nd, 2013

We finished up our training in the morning and were transported to the communities for our welcome ceremony.

They had several community leaders come up and speak. The guys playing DJ would blast random funny music for each person’s entrance like it was a sporting match or something.

They sang the National Anthem for us as well as had a performance of a play from the highschoolers of Diyamani Highschool (the main high school in Gottenburg). There were bits of English slang mixed into the play and it was hilarious. I still understood what was going on most of the time even when I didn’t know what they were saying. A group of girls from Hlalakahle, the neighboring community April and her scholars reside in, did some dancing. It was really cute.

April and I starting dancing with the girls at the end. That seemed to help the scholars warm up a little. The sun set quickly and I walked home with my Papa Elvis and Quiet.

When I reached my homestay house it felt oddly home in a way. It was good to back. Good to see my homestay family’s sweet faces. I was exhausted from all the training and traveling. I feel like I haven’t seen them in a LONG time.

Pause

Saturday June 21st, 2013

Pause

I wish I could

Slow

Time

Down

Press pause.

Slow motion this moment,

This day.

The days seems to move slowly

They feel long yet short

Have I really been here almost a month?

Only when I focus on it, reflect –

Oh time has flown by

Where has it gone?

Living In A Postcard

Saturday June 21^st, 2013

We’ve been having the scholars create a menu and make dinner family style each night. It’s been really fun and delicious! I’ve seriously been impressed with the quality and taste!

After training while waiting for dinner April and I watched the sun set on a bench nearby our room. It was breathtaking. The African sun is truly unlike any sun I’ve ever seen in all of my travels. So orange, red and bold. I felt like I was living in a postcard. To walk out of your room and be greeted by monkeys literally swinging from trees in front of you is pretty surreal. They are not that cute though. Those bastards know how to pick the lids off trashcans so we would usually come out to garbage being scattered all over the place from those little leftover eating thieves.

Road To Nowhere

June 21st, 2013

Road To Nowhere 

Walking on the side of the road

To nowhere

Buses honk so I move aside

Riding in the back of pickups trucks

Stared at from every angle

“You are clever” he says as he continues

Shifting gears

Children gather under shade

Circling up playing school

If only they had a real school to go to

He tells me he dreams of being an actor but doesn’t have the money

“Oh but you don’t need money” I tell him, “just passion, a place to call a stage and an audience”

Telling stories existed before any one of us could talk

Before words and associations were formed

In every language, tongue, dialect

Stories are told

I wish I knew every story of the world

Every tale, myth and folklore

I wish I was the Chief, the oracle, the almighty master, holder of every story ever told

Then I could roam from place to place

Country to country to city to village to home

Telling stories

Sharing

Inspiring the world with words

Shangon Cultural Center

Friday, June 20^th, 2013

Today was a day of mostly traveling. Right after breakfast we piled all the scholars and all the luggage (there might as well have been another bus just for the luggage because of how much crap everyone brought) in a small bus. I think Americans have a hard time packing light and if you’ve never been to Africa before it’s even more difficult. We stopped by the mall before heading to our cultural visit at the Shangon Cultural Center. Everyone stocked up on airtime, snacks, etc while at the mall. Buying phones in Africa – scratch that- doing anything in Africa takes three times longer than it should or at least that I’m used to it taking being from a culture that emphasizes customer service and is so obsessed with getting results NOW NOW NOW! Definitely a lot of running around at the mall with “Oh no we don’t have that try this store,” so we go to that store, “No, we don’t. Try this store.” 5 stores later we find the item.

The cultural center was fun. We were taken through traditional village with a chief and a sangoma (a traditional Shangon healer) Most of it seemed really touristy and staged, like some section of Disneyland. It was still fun though.

We finally got to Manyelti Animal Reserve, where we stayed before. We will be carrying out the rest of the training here before heading into the villages close by. Before the end of the trip the bus driver asked if I had a husband. I told him, “No, but I did have a man waiting for me back home.” Surprisingly I’m used to marriage proposals and men bluntly saying “I like you. I want you” and telling me that even if I have a man back home that I can have another one. It is in my experience that men are men wherever you go. You thought getting hollered at in America was bad ladies – think again!

TIU - Think Impact University

Thursday, June 19^th, 2013

We had our first day of training today with the scholars. Things went very well! I think we planned a great blend of content mixed up some fun, energizer games. The emu proceeded to surround our game of Zip Zap Zop (an energizer, theater focus game). We had to move the game because of the disturbance and fear it was evoking in everyone, including myself haha!  All the scholars are really warming up to each other and us! I love them all and I’m so excited!

Bundu!

Wednesday June 19^th, 2013

Bundu is NICE! There are animals roaming around everywhere (peacocks, donkeys, emus, rabbits, dwarf ponies, etc) I feel like I’m Snow White as animals seem to surround me as I’m doing work. April (the other South African advisor) and I were almost attacked by an emu while preparing the curriculum for our scholars who are arriving tonight. I was seriously afraid. The emu is freaky and has no fear in its eyes and just kept coming towards us trying to eat our books. We had to vacate the area.

We had the beginning of training last night while we were waiting for dinner to arrive. It was awesome to finally meet all of our scholars. Everyone was hesitant and shy like it the first day of school. They are just warming up to us and each other so they are exactly where they need to be.

Everyone’s jaws dropped as we were met with exclamations of shock that we were getting up at 6AM for group workout. “Are you serious?” “Yes. Very much so.” Africa bootcamp baby!

Sitting With My "Grandmother"

Tuesday June 18^th, 2013

This morning I sat in our neighbors, my mama’s mother in laws, front yard while she did her laundry and tried to communicate with me the best she could with the broken English.  She’s my papa’s mama.

This came from sitting there…

Grandmothers Wash

Scrub, Scrub, Rinse

Swat

The flies buzz all around me as the sun warms my skin

She lets out little grunts and scowls at stains she comes across

I just keep watching her

My own grandmother’s image comes to my mind

Bent back, arthritis but still working away for she must

They must

Is it their duty as women here?

As caregivers?

Or so they’ve always been told

I wonder if they’ve thought or ever imagined that there was a life beyond cleaning, cooking and caring for others.

That they too could have their own dreams and follow them

That there was a whole world out there beyond looking after and making breakfast for their family

I wonder if she had any dreams of creative endeavors that were quickly silenced by her position

Their creativity must be poured into how to get all their chores done before the sun goes down

She brings me a pot full of shelled macadamia nuts and proceeds to show me how to open them against a big rock

Crack, crash, boom

One emerges

She speaks no English but still tries to make sure I am comfortable

“Am I cold?” She manages to communicate by shivering

“Was I sleeping?” She motions putting two hands underneath her head and closing her eyes.

She smiles and nods at me.

I want to stay there forever and just be with her

Like I would with my own grandmother

She brings out a chair for me to sit on.

She dusts it off and I sit down.

After spending time with my mother in law we left our communities for Nelspriut for a resort lodging place called Bundu. Here we will be doing TIU (ThinkImpact University) where we will be going over the training and curriculum with the students before they get into their villages. 

Where I Am You Are

Monday June 17th, 2013

Where I Am You Are

I’ve waited all day to hear your voice

Hours upon hours upon minutes upon moments upon inhales followed by exhales

Waiting

Dreaming

Letting my spirit rise above the clouds, traveling thousands of miles until it reaches where you are

Just to float beside you

Even if you knew nothing of my presence

Just to hear your voice

See your smile

Hearing you talking and joking with others

I’ve sent my spirit on the wind to you so many times

Have you felt her sweet whisperings?

Her skin brushing against yours?

Have you dismissed her presence as impossible because you’ve still yet to see that where I am you are.

Faint echoes of the village fade ‘for supper as I watch the sky grow dark

White clouds turned grey

Pink turns to white

Have you ever looked at the sky and wondered how could anyone deny the beauty and wonder of this planet after seeing this?

Scrub, Scrub, Scrub

Monday June 17th, 2013

I did my first load of laundry today. My sister Moline wanted to do it for me but I insisted I do it myself. She stepped in to show me how to properly scrub my dirty clothes in the soapy water bucket. Sema, Shannon and another girl from the neighborhood, Suku, sat on the steps and watched me the whole time that I washed my clothes. Even my underwear. I kept looking over at them thinking , “Really? Do you really want to watch me do this?” I had to take a second to go to my room. The kids were teasing the dog and provoking him and another neighborhood dog into a fight. It really upset me. I know it’s only a dog but any animal or person in danger and not fully well upsets me. I’ve seen so many dogs here that are so skinny you can see their bones poking out through their flesh. I know it’s a very American thing, the domestication and spoiling of dogs, but it’s one that I’m used to.

I walked to Hlalakahle today so I could know where April’s house was. My sister Moline and her friend Mandrick walked me there.  Mandrick was jubilant to find out that I was an artist. He told me of his dream to be an actor and started asking me tons of questions such as, “How much does it cost to be an actor?’ ‘How do you actually get put into films?’ Oh Mandrick, if only I knew – ha! It really hit me while I was talking to him and he was sharing a poem with me how many people throughout the world may have aspirations of being an artist but are not born into a position of privilege of being able to fulfill this dream.

Julia Cameron talks about it in The Artist’s Way. I can’t find the exact quote and if I had unlimited internet I would google it but since I don’t please forgive me as I try to paraphrase. It was something to the effect of it is our duty to pursue our art and be an artist because there are a lot of people around the world where that dream is not even an option for them.

Maybe God Is Trying To Tell You Something

Sunday June 16^th

I could barely sleep last night. I just tossed and turned even with sleeping pills. Jetlag? New environment? Nerves? All of the above. My mind couldn’t stop racing from everything that has happened and everything yet to come.

I helped Sisanda make breakfast. She made these delicious sweet biscuits, some she would bake and some she was fry, yet they tasted almost exactly the same. People from the community would pop in every once in a while to buy her popular biscuits. I helped cut up the potatoes for hash brown fries as Sema helped point out to me the ones that I missed.

I help mix up eggs while Sisanda walked over and added a TON of salt. I saw chicken feet and heads thawing out on the counter and wondered if that was our dinner.

We are and then got ready for Church. Today is a National holiday celebrating and remembering youth. In the 70’s a group of students went on strike and refused to learn their lessons in Afrikan, they wanted to learn them in English. During the rally they were shot and killed.

Church was indescribable. I don’t really consider myself a religious person. I grew up being told about God, Christianity and being given guilt tripping looks from my grandmother about going with her every Sunday but somewhere along the line I lost faith. I remember praying when I was younger and really believing. I remember really feeling something. But looking back now I wonder if it was just because I was told I was supposed to feel something so that’s why I did. I remember the few times I went when I was older thinking, worshipping, praising isn’t supposed to be like this.

Sitting in a pew and being talked at about how bad and wrong I was, how much I’ve sinned and how I will go to hell if I was not baptized, if was gay or if I was any other religion other than Christianity. “How could God be all loving if that is what he truly believed?” I wondered. Being told that dancing could be lustful and tempting when in my mind dancing can be nothing but pure celebration and praise.

Feeling like a zombie barely staying awake and thinking this can’t be the spiritual connection that everyone talks about and searches for because I sure don’t feel it.

Going to church today with my host family was like a scene straight up out of “The Color Purple” (one of my favorite movies of all time btw and if you haven’t seen it, you need to and then you will understand the title of this entries)

Half of the service I couldn’t understand what was being said but I sure felt it. Tons of people from the community crammed into this small run down building with plastic chairs, a few speakers, a drum set, some microphones and a portable piano all raising their voices up in praise of something that they believed in.

Whether the word God resonates with me or not it was beyond words. Beyond beautiful. Singing, praising, dancing, sobbing, chanting, praying, and all I could was cry. I was fighting back tears before I even knew what or why I was feeling. I can’t even really explain it now.

Maybe being there made me feel connected with the spirit of my grandmother –bringing back memories of when I used to go to church and singings with her, maybe it was just being in pure awe of that much love, praise and positive energy being in a one place at one time - it was overwhelming.

It didn’t matter if I believed in what they believed in, if I praised what they praised, they were all there united in love, community and faith. Seeing that many people, people that most would consider poor and unfortunate, united in faith, pure faith and love for this higher power, this source, this person that they have never “seen” was so breathtaking.

At first I held back the tears until I looked around and saw no one cared. No one was judging me. No one was standing up and saying that I should be experiencing this presence of love in any other way than it was showing up for me right now.

After church some of the teen boy community organizers (community members that help connect us with members of the community as well as translate and do many other things) showed me around the community. I cannot explain how welcomed I’ve felt from everyone since the moment I arrived. Kids, Elders, every community member staring, coming up and saying hello. Just wanting to shake my head even if they don’t speak any English.

Children coming up to me and immediately holding my hand. What trust they have for this strange, bald, white chick that they’ve never seen before. Decide, he told me to call him Chris (he sat next to me and translated most of the sermons) said “People in the community aren’t used to seeing white people before. So when they see you it’s like ‘WOW, how beautiful!’” Quiet (my community organizer who is anything but) added  “It’s like all day every day we see planes but then a helicopter comes and we get so excited!”

My Community

Saturday June 15th

In the morning we drove through the reserve for a bit and saw some waterbucks and impalas. Jimmy was also quick to point out all the elephant dung on road. “Elephant dung but no ellies.” HA!

Then we made our way to the communities…

I am staying in the community of Gottenburg. (Pronounced Goat – in-burg)

With Papa Elvis (yes like Elvis Presley – no joke!) & Mama Sisanda, my homestay parents. My brothers are Sema who is 8 years old & Shannon who is 4. Shannon loves to jump and pull me by the hand from place to place. Him and Sema are always fighting for my attention. Sema is quieter. He’ll whisper things to me under his breath like “yes” or “that one.” My sister’s name is Molina, she immediately hugged me and told me how happy she was to have a sister because she never had a sister, only brothers. She’s quiet but funny. She told me she liked my hair and that you never see any white people with their hair cut like that. I invited her to touch it and when she did she squealed “Wow, it’s SO soft!” Her and Elvis speak the best English.

They taught me a card game that I know I’ve played before but I just can’t remember the name. I taught them the card game “Speed.” Explaining a game when neither parties speak each other’s language perfectly can be rather difficult but you’d be surprised of how you manage to communicate in different ways other than verbally when you have to. They got the hang of it and I suspect they’ll be beating me at it by the end of the summer.

We have some piggies in our backyard and a family dog Maja. He’s only 3 years old but he seems so old and sick and sad. It makes me sad and then I think of my mommy’s puppies, Leeloo and Dext.

Elvis is one of the community leaders in the Community Development Forum. The community comes together once a week to discuss issues going on in the community and make decisions about them.

The community is much more modern than from what I have seen in my prior experience of traveling in Africa. South Africa is the only country in the program which has electricity in the homestays. And all of our homestays that I’ve seen so far have TV’s, usually with bad Soap Operas going on in the background. Helen and April’s homestays even have indoor flushing toilets and running water, but alas mine does not.

It’s crazy how much we take for granted something as simple as being able to walk two steps and turn on the faucet to instantly to wash our hands, dishes, teeth, etc. And not having to wear a headlamp when you have to go outside to go to the bathroom. Just in a few days it has already made me more conscious and cautious of how much water I use when it’s not pouring from a seemingly bottomless source.

The weather is perfect here. Better than Los Angeles when I left. I expected the worse because the last two times I visited Africa in the summer it was unbearably hot but ‘tis the winter in South Africa and ‘tis wonderful. 

1st Time South Of The Equator

Friday June 14^th              

For being a former film major I really rarely watch movies. One has to be REALLY good for me to hear about it to even waste my time. But being trapped on a British Airways flight where they serve complimentary alcohol and have a selection of films on your own private screen in front of you how can one resist? I watched two good films, Trance & The Gangster Squad. Who’s to say if they were actually that good or if it was just being two drinks in with travel delirium and some sleeping aid.

All I know is that I drooled A LOT on my small travel neck pillow and desperately waved down the man as I awoke to half eaten meal boxes around me saying, “Is it too late for me to get breakfast?!” “Of course not dear,” the polite British chap replied. SIGH. What a relief! Obviously in my half asleep state I forgot how atrocious airplane food was.

Arrived in Johannesburg around 7AM. Immediately exchanged some cash and with the exchange rate I felt like such a millionaire. I wish someone at an American bank would casually give me 3,000 American dollars rather than Rand (South African currency)

In the airport there was a vending machine type stand that read “Live Oysters” with what was indeed “live oysters” inside.

Then we proceeded to cram onto the tiniest bus in creation called the Citybug and be driven to Nelspruit, 4 hours out of Johannesburg. The woman that sat in the middle seat next to me was quite large and invaded half of my seat forcing me to cuddle with April. It didn’t really matter because both of us were luckily in and out of consciousness the whole ride.

Once we finally arrived in Nelspruit we meet our Country Coordinator, Jimmy. We waited for Helen, our Country Associate, to arrive shortly after on the next Citybug before picking up our work phones and my personal internet stick (hence why I’m able to post this blog entry from the bush)

We drove to Manayelti National Animal Reserve 3 hours outside of Nelspriut which is very close to the communities we will be staying in. We stayed the night in these circular little house huts. The roof was covered in straw/grass attached together with chicken wire or else the baboons will tear them off Jimmy says. 

You Sound Like You’re From London!

Thursday June 13^th

Arrived in London today around noon for a layover. Met up with Johnny, my dear friend from college who I haven’t seen in forever. He’s currently studying and getting his MFA in film in London. My fellow South African adviser April joined me as we explored South Kensington, eating and drinking at the most stereotypical pub we could find and looking for places we could spend our remaining pounds realizing too late that we had exchanged too much. Luckily, I had saved my Oyster card from that last time I was in London per my professor’s suggestion that it might one day bring us back to this city. It still had 7lbs left on it! Thank you Michael Nehring!
 We ended our gallivanting by taking the tube back to Heathrow on what felt the LONGEST ride of my life. I had broken the seal right before leaving the pub and honestly thought I was going to pee my pants in front of all those fancy dancy Brits. Luckily I didn’t. Thank you dear Johnny ‘ol chap for showing us around even if just for a short while.  Sure was good to see you J

Bye Bye Denver!

Wednesday June 12^th

It felt weird and sad leaving my fellow advisers after training. I forgot that most of us were being shipped off to different countries. The only thing that makes me feel any resolve is knowing that I have a few more friends around the world that I’ve added to my list of my homes away from home.

Splints, Bandages & The Wild!

Today we had CPR & First Aid wilderness training! We saw some pretty nasty wounds/injury photo examples and got to practice dressing wounds on our fellow advisers. We also got to practice chest compression & rescue breaths on a very hard chested manikin as well as learned some very random survival tips for if and when things go wrong FAST!

Our wilderness explorer expert instructor man's name was Verne and the way Patrick (ThinkImpact's Program Manager) built him up I expected Bear Grylls. He pretty much was minus the accent.

My Unwritten African Journey - I Mean Journal

I’ve been hesitating writing in my actual journal. Like I’m saving it. Afraid of tainting it with less than perfect, lame, non-special words. I have a confession to make. I’m kind of a journal whore. I buy SO many but this one was different. This one was love at first sight and we all know how hard love is to come by.

I bought this Harry Potter -esque ‘I feel like I snuck into a cool old man’s secret library’ journal 4 years ago in the summer of 2009 while I was at a street market in Dublin, Ireland. It called to me as so few things Americans tend to spend their money on actually do. I remember it being priced more than your average journal, being leather bound with a real metal clasp and this beautiful white stone fastened to the cover. It didn’t matter. Some things summon you so strongly you literally cannot shake the hold that they have over you until you obey their command. 

For years I would open it’s cover stroking its crisp, blank pages and sigh. I would hover my pen over the paper but could never bring myself to put the ink to the page. It was the fear that whatever I wrote would never be good enough to grace the pages of a journal I found to be magical. Mystical. Almost surreal. My writing isn’t that. It’s plain. Normal. Nothing special. I’d feel the pressure for every word to be eloquent. Perfect. Is it the procrastinator in me or the perfectionist? Or both? Both have their roots in fear. The funny thing is that I don't just find myself doing this with writing in epic journals but with everything I create. Waiting and watching from the side lines for the perfect time to start something. But what every artist knows deep down is that there is NEVER a perfect time. Just time that is ticking away as you stare at the blank page or canvas with your little gem locked away in your mind for only your own imagination to see and judge.

Somehow I seem to know that even if I wrote the silliest nonsense, the worse writing ever to grace the page - it would be enough. It always is because I’m creating. And the sheer fact that I can find the courage to silence the siren Censor and allow myself to pour onto the page is a sheer miracle in itself. Now that is magic.

Now I must think of the first perfect line for the first perfect pristine page. Or I can just begin. Because just to begin is perfect. The process is always perfect. 

During training we've learned more about ThinkImpact's 6 Habits for making every moment high impact. Do you know what the first habit is?

Believe in the process.

Boy do I ever!

Have Fun & Just Breathe!

My throat hurts. I've stayed up too late. My mind has just been racing with all of the information being thrown at us during training. It’s not a bad thing it’s just a lot of information.

We did some cool presentations today that we collaborated in groups to create. Towards the end of the day the recreation of the information we were presenting really hit home exuding fun and creativity from all groups.

Fun being one of the words that we put inside (the good part) of the circle when we were creating our rules/what belongs and does not belong in the space of this week of training. Remembering to have FUN and BREATHE are always great principles to be reminded of.

Especially when we can get so caught up in the busyness of our lives and how SIGNIFICANT we make every little thing. Sometimes you just gotta laugh and blurt out, “I hope I don’t get diarrhea everyday in Africa!” No one can ever take themselves too seriously when squirt concerns are voiced.

We did these some amazing team - building games through this sort of obstacle course in the woods today.

We had to lift a gold ring off a giant’s thumb (a tire off of a wooden pole) and make sure not to touch any part to his finger or else he’d wake up, DUH!

We had to escape through and between laser beams (also known as rope). As well as balancing a school bus that we were all inside as it hung suspended on a cliff until we got everyone to safety. (A school bus is a balancing wood plank in the Denver mountains J )

We did some trust fall exercises with everyone which to me never stop being fun!

One of the most wonderful team-building games that we did was a low ropes course where we had to balance on metal low wired ropes attached to trees. We had to be holding one person’s hand at all times or one of the trees. It was SUPER hard. Every time a person fell off that person needed to go to the back of the line and start all over again. Let’s just say it took us several tries and a lot of time!

But in the end we did it! And though it felt a little bit like summer camp, I liked it. It was a lot of fun. And I definitely feel closer to my team. It’s funny how something as simple as playing a few games can get people to really loosen up and connect to build more meaningful, vulnerable relationships.

Oh and did I mention we all woke up and exercised at 6AM this morning as a team. It was pretty awesome. Crisp mountain air. Exhausted but alive and grateful. Must sleep now. 

Connecting The Dots

This is where I'm training. Isn't it breathtaking?

I could barely sleep last night. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach this morning like it was the first day of school. With endless mind chatter streaming through my head, “What if I fail?” “I hope they like me,” even worse, “I hope I like them.”

Silly worrisome butterflies that rarely flourish into real threats or concerns. So far everyone and everything has been wonderful. Everyone part of my team and other countries teams have had such amazing journeys of travel, social change and their passion for the world and I’m honored to stand beside them.

Picture Courtesy Of Fellow Adviser April Brewer
Check Out Her Blog Here!

We are up in the mountains of Denver at Estes Park for training at the most epic YMCA center I have ever seen! We literally saw Elk grazing on the grass that we walked by on the way to our first training meeting.

A Magpie I saw!

We also wake up to Magpies chirping and walk alongside little ground squirrels running around. They are the cutest thing EVER! Check out what they look like here!

Tonight we did fun exercises of reviewing fears, assumptions, expectations and goals that staff and scholars expressed in a pre-trip survey. The more I listened and was reminded of my own fears, assumptions, expectations and goals as well as others the more it confirmed for me that I don’t really know what to expect and that nothing is for certain. That makes this trip even more terrifying and exciting.

When I told a mentor of mine about my trip he advised, “Go in with no expectations so you will not be disappointed.” At first one might feel offended at this statement. ‘Well why wouldn’t I go in with expectations?’ And it’s not even about the mentality if you set the bar low then you’ll be pleasantly surprised but it’s about having no expectations, no predictions. Just living in the moment of ‘this is it’ and be present to that every second. We never know what will happen next. But isn’t that the beauty of life and something to be celebrated and praised not condemned and feared.

We were asked to create and share our life maps with 10 significant events in our life that have lead us to this point, the Institute with ThinkImpact being the last event. And the thing that’s crazy is that it’s exactly like Steve Jobs said in his commencement speech to Stanford. The jist being that you can’t really see or understand how the events in your life connect until you look back on the things that you’ve done. Not when you are looking forward trying to figure it all out. Not until you look backwards does it all seem to make sense how you came to this very moment at this precise time and place.

Here’s his exact quote that is way more eloquent and poetic than what I recreated:

“Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Watch The Whole Commencement Speech Here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=787FjaJ9kXs

Something that came up in our training today was the obsession with results that has infiltrated the culture that is America. We want the product. We want the results – FAST! Sometimes in the narrow tunnel vision so focused on the end result that we lose site of the beautiful art that is process. The journey not the destination, right? I vow to enjoy the journey this summer and continue to look down at my first and only tattoo that I have on my foot to remember that it is all part of the journey.

I have no clue of my future in terms of what is going to happen in the Institute. I have a general structure in mind but nothing can be sure. I’m so excited to be living in process of this unknown frontier.